Monday, December 27, 2010

Single Momma and Fabulous!

As a single mother of a beautiful 6 month old boy, one would wonder how I have any time to even think about starting up a blog.  I think to myself - "Girl you are crazy!"  But as more of my friends have babies and our lives continue to change, one thing I have known of myself is that I love to share my blessings, my trials and errors, my hardships and triumphs, and most importantly my love and support.  Being a single mother is no cup of tea, that's for sure.  But I think we all have so much to share with one another, so much to learn - what good would all of this experience do if we cannot find ways to support each other throughout the process?

Why am I a single mom, you may ask?  Well without sharing in too much detail, after 8 long years of good and bad times with my son's father, I learned that it was no longer worth trying.  A woman cannot change a man - they have to honestly see where growth is need, and genuinely want to change.  Then they have to work to make the change, and stick to it.  Well my son's father was very adamant and not changing for anyone.  And so after many "I love you's" and "let's get married", I learned that love would never be enough. It pained me to know and accept that my son would never have the ideal home - mommy and daddy under one roof - something I had been determined to give to my child since growing up lacking just that, but I quickly learned to be okay.  I knew I was extremely competent and would be able to give my son the loving, nurturing parenting he needed.  I knew that I could be mommy and daddy.  I knew that things would be hard, and many questions would be asked in the years to come, but I would start preparing from now.  And so at 8 months pregnant, after my son's father walked away yet again, I told myself and Jacob that we would always be okay and didn't look back.

As a pregnant woman, I wore my bump proudly.  Oh! I loved my belly so much, and miss it to this day.  There is something about having him all to myself, that feeling of never being alone.  Of knowing that every choice I make affects the child growing inside of me; that my body directly nurtures him.  Beautiful.  But here I am, with my 6 month old boy, and I am still not alone.  He lays beside me, kicking at my arm as I type.  He is my life, the reason I breathe.  Every choice I make still does, and will forever directly effect him.  I am proud and honored to take on that responsibility for this wonderful blessing. 

As beautiful as it sounds, some may see it as just overwhelming.  But one thing I promised to myself is that I would never let myself go.  And although I have many sleepless nights, and I skip a meal or two here and there, I still maintain my fabulousness!  I truly believe that positive energy and feeling of self-worth should and will rub off onto my boy, and he will grow to be a confident, healthy young man.  So momma allows herself a night out with the girls, an occasional date, an hour or two every 2 weeks to get my hair done, 10 minutes to put on some eye liner and bronzer, and the ability to maintain a fab wardrobe.  I will be the fab mom in heels pushing my son in his stroller around central park - because I want to, and so I should.  I have to say though, I have not been getting my mani-pedi as often as I should!  Washing bottles everyday is just SO discouraging.  But I got my manicure last week after over a month of not doing so, and boy did it feel great.  So I wash bottles with gloves now =] 

Momma's remember - Motherhood is a full time job all in it's own.  But you wouldn't go to work looking a hot mess, so why let yourself go in everyday life?  Take a walk, put some eye-liner on, grab a fruit.. You are beautiful, and your baby will appreciate you more when you appreciate yourself.